It might sound like an extremely obvious or even obnoxious statement to make, but I wonder how many of us take the time in our often hectic and busy lives to truly consider this statement – joy and happiness is your birth right. Yep – you, my dear friend, deserve to be happy for the simple (and magical) fact that you were born into being. It’s not something you need to earn or be worthy of.

This week I was listening to Oprah’s podcast Super Soul Conversations. I found myself pulled to an episode titled “Finding your authentic self” with Sarah Ban Breathnach, a #1 New York Times best-selling author. In the episode Sarah mentioned something that I resonated so much with – knowing yourself is the key to joy. I reflected on this and had a few conversations with some girlfriends about what they thought of the idea that knowing who we are is the key to joy. Through listening to the podcast and having these conversations, I realised that as we flow through life from child to teenager, young adult, loving partner, dedicated parent (of the human and furchild kind) and valued employee or boss lady – more often than not, there is a very big and real chance we lose aspects of ourselves along the way as our life, responsibilities and obligations change.

What could this look like? An example in the podcast, and one I can definitely identify with, is that we might start to feel we are no longer living authentically. Oprah calls this ‘divine discontentment’ and it can manifest itself as the feeling of losing our sense of purpose or that there is this unattainable and undefined ‘something more’ hidden from us. I mean, who hasn’t felt like this at least once?

But it’s not all bad news! What the podcast and these conversations uncovered was that we all instinctively know that making time for activities or things that spark happiness, purpose and sense of contentment is the path back to finding our true authentic selves and living a life of divine, joyous fulfilment.

Knowing Yourself is the Key to Joy

Knowing who we are, what we love, what drives us, what makes us feel fulfilled are the magical keys to bringing a deep sense of balance and joy back into our lives. My husband is the absolute best at recognising when my soul is out of alignment or unbalanced, sometimes before I even notice. He will always guide me to put my soul needs first and encourage me to take the time and jump feet first into a creative, spiritual or physical activity that will most likely rebalance my soul.

What makes us feel happy is unique like our fingerprints – not one thing will necessarily work for everyone. Here are some suggestions to help get you started, so pick what resonates with your soul my friend.

Please note: I’m not a trained mental health professional. The suggestions I share are not a treatment plan for any mental health issue and I strongly recommend seeking professional advice. (side note: I ab-so-fucking-lutely love therapy! It’s one of the top tools I have in my arsenal for living a life where I’m thriving with my anxiety and depression. Plus, it’s always nice to have a safe space to work through the struggles or difficulties the very human condition called life throws our way).

Gratitude Journal

I absolutely love gratitude activities. A therapist first put me on to creating a daily gratitude list three years ago as a way for me to help find those little things in life that actually have a bigger meaning for me. Writing down three things I’m grateful for and why every single day has helped me to understand not only what it is I value the most in my life but what brings me joy. For example, I’m grateful for prioritising the time in the morning to go walking or running with my two dogs, Fritz and Freya. Why? It’s not only an exercise activity for us three helping to keep us fit and healthy, but it’s also a time for me to bond and create memories with them. I get to see how excited they get when they see another dog, how inquisitive and playful they are, or see their big Bully Breed smiles whenever they turn around to me (which is a lot, I think they’re making sure I can keep up). All of that brings me joy.

Let’s get physical

According to a 2018 study published in the Journal of Happiness Studies and shared on Oprah’s website, people who exercise for at least 10 minutes per week are usually more happy than those who don’t exercise. Can’t argue with science! I know when I’m moving my body – whether it’s through yoga, pilates, walking, running or cycling – my overall feeling of joy, happiness and a sense of balance is greater than when I’m not moving my body at all (and my self talk kinda sucks when I’m not exercising so that also doesn’t help matters).

Make time to do something you’re passionate about

Whether it’s 15 minutes every day or once a week – prioritise YOU and something YOU’RE passionate about. Doing things we are passionate about might help renew the sense of purpose in our life or be a way for us to unwind and to transfer our anxious or negative energy into an activity that is positive for us. For me, I love being creative. It’s a way for me to express myself in many different ways in a manner I find meaningful to me (and if it’s meaningful to others that’s an added a lovely bonus!). I have recently started pottery classes that I attend once a week and is something I have never done before, so it’s flexing my creative muscles (which is exciting!). My blog is also something I love doing that I set aside at least 30 minutes a week to writing or creating an Instagram post. What do YOU love doing that brings you a sense of calm, satisfaction, joy and fulfilment?

Be present and in the moment

Being present is all about fully aware of, feeling and consciously experiencing the moment you are in. For example, take making your morning coffee – you notice the smell of the coffee, see the rough granules of the raw sugar, hear the sound of the coffee filling the Italian stove top coffee pot. If you’re me, you might even say an intention or affirmation for the day while you stir the hot coffee goodness into your mug, noticing the ting sound of the spoon hitting the sides of the mug as a way of bringing the intention into being. I’ll admit, I’m not perfect at being present all the time but I make a conscious effort every single day to be present where I can – and that’s an A+ for effort if you ask me.

Look to yourself for joy, not others

Psychology Today makes a very valid point that we should not place the responsibility of bringing joy, happiness and fulfilment on to others or blame others (or the world for that matter) if we feel a lack of these feelings within ourselves. We are in charge of our own happiness ship so take the wheel. Flip the narrative to “he makes me unhappy” or “she is the reason I’m upset” and find the reasons within yourself why you might be feeling this way. I definitely recommend a therapy or life coach session for this one.

Before I leave you for the night, just know that it’s perfectly OK if you don’t feel happy all the time. We don’t need to be happiness and joy personified every single minute or every single day (that would be exhausting and unrealistic, right!). There will be times that sadness. anger, disappointment and all the emotions we can possibly experience will enter our hearts as the flow of life meanders on. Welcome those feelings and emotions in knowing they are only a temporary guest that you won’t allow to consume you, like it maybe once did, and that you can and will find your path back to joy.

Much love,
Lara X

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