If I were to say ‘self-love’ to you, what instantly comes to mind? Is it sitting in a bubble bath surrounded by candles listening to Enya with a glass of vino in hand? Or perhaps it’s a visit to a fancy day spa and spending hours being pampered? Whilst these are absolutely amazing ways to unwind, there’s a lot more to self-love than simply practicing self-care (though, that is part of the fun).

Self-love defined…

If you look up self-love in the Merriam Dictionary you will see the following definition:

Self-love: an appreciation of one’s own worth or value

noun

Let’s keep in mind that self-love isn’t about being arrogant or thinking you’re better than someone else. It’s about prioritising your happiness and needs and not sacrificing your wellbeing and values to please other people. Self-love is about cultivating self-acceptance and self-compassion by appreciating and acknowledging everything that makes you, YOU – including those features or traits about yourself that you believe are your short-comings or weaknesses.

So what are some practical ways you can incorporate self-love behaviours and attitudes in your every day life?

Loving and judgement-free self talk

This one might be a little difficult at first, especially if you’re like me and have a lot of experience with negative self talk (guilty!), but it’s a game changer if you stick with it every single day. Every time you catch yourself speaking negatively about yourself or to yourself, instantly acknowledge it’s negative self talk (give the voice a name if that helps. Mine’s Nancy) and reframe it to a positive comment about yourself. For instance, I often catch myself talking negatively about my body. How I reframe it is something like:

“Oh that’s just negative Nancy trying to bring me down and make me self conscious about my appearance based on unrealistic expectations society has forced upon every single woman. My body is beautiful just as it is and my appearance does not determine my worthiness or value.”

Setting up boundaries, with kindness

I honestly wish I had learned how to do this earlier in my life than in my late 20’s early 30’s. Repeat after me: it is healthy to have boundaries. It is perfectly OK to implement boundaries with those close to us, not just with strangers. Why? Boundaries are our way of setting up basic guidelines of how we are to be treated and ensure our relationships are caring, not emotionally or mentally draining and mutually respectful. Boundaries help to boost our self-esteem and self-love by making sure our relationships, whether they’re friendships, family or an intimate partner, remain an emotionally, mentally and physical safe place for us to be.

By implementing healthy boundaries we are also making ourselves a priority (and no, it’s not a bad thing to put ourselves first!). Just remember your boundaries can be flexible and tailored to individual relationships. I’ll delve more into boundaries in a future blog (watch this space!).

Kick perfectionism to the kerb

Stop beating yourself up for not being “perfect”. Guess what, no-one is! The celebrity you see in magazines, not perfect. The friend who seems to have their shit together, not perfect. The couple who seem to have the most loved-up relationship, you guess it – not perfect. But it’s OK for us to think these things, after all, we’ve been fed the idea of living the ideal perfect life our entire lives (yeah girls, even Disney. I grew up thinking my hair would be that luscious and perfect – lies! ha!) But I know the idea of aiming for “pretty good” instead of “perfect” can be a little uncomfortable to accept at times – I should know, I’m a recovering perfectionist – but the “pretty good” mentality means I have more work/life balance and less stress.

Stop reliving the past

I know, easier said than done. But by reliving past arguments or embarrassments we are actually keeping ourselves in an anxiety or depressive loop – which is not great for our mental health or self love! So the next time you catch yourself doing this try to figure out what was the trigger for it to pop back up. Then figure out a way to manage your response the next time that trigger enters your life. It’s not going to happen over night, but it will. If you’re working with a therapist, this might be a good tasks to work on together in a session!

This is by no way an exhaustive list of how we all can start to love ourselves a little more (when I was researching this article I found A LOT of advice) but the suggestions I’ve shared are a good foundation to start from.

Until next time dear friend, stay safe, sprinkle some happiness daily and don’t forget to exhale the bs.

Much love,
Lara X

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